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My Partner Needs Help But Won’t Get It: How to Encourage Them to Seek Therapy

  • Writer: Attentive Psychotherapy & Counseling Center
    Attentive Psychotherapy & Counseling Center
  • 1 minute ago
  • 3 min read

Watching someone you love struggle emotionally or mentally—yet refuse to seek help—can feel heartbreaking and exhausting. You might see the signs of depression, anxiety, trauma, or burnout in your partner, but every time you bring up therapy, they shut down or change the subject.


So, how do you encourage your partner to get the support they need without making them feel judged, pressured, or ashamed?


Here are some compassionate, research-supported strategies that can make a difference.


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Why Some People Avoid Therapy


Avoiding therapy is often not about a lack of need—it is about fear, misunderstanding, and vulnerability.


Common reasons people resist therapy include:


  • Stigma: Despite progress, mental health stigma persists. Some may still believe that asking for help is a sign of weakness.


  • Fear of vulnerability: Opening up about personal struggles can feel scary, especially for people who were taught to "tough it out" or suppress emotions.


  • Misinformation: Some assume therapy is only for people in crisis or that it does not "work."


  • Previous bad experiences: If your partner has had a therapist who was not a good fit, they might be reluctant to try again.


  • Belief in self-reliance: A common mindset is, “I can fix this on my own.”


The American Psychological Association (APA) highlights that men, in particular, are less likely to seek mental health treatment due to these barriers—especially societal expectations around masculinity.


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How to Encourage Your Partner to Try Therapy—Without Pushing Them Away


🫶 1. Lead with Empathy and Concern, Not Criticism


Begin with a gentle, loving conversation. Say something like, "I’ve noticed you seem overwhelmed lately, and I’m really concerned. You do not have to go through this alone."


Avoid accusations (“You never talk to me anymore”) and focus on what you are observing with compassion.


🧠 2. Normalize Mental Health Support


Make it clear that therapy is for everyone—not just people in crisis. Mental health maintenance is as important as physical health.


You can say, "Therapy is not about being broken. It is about learning new tools and having a safe space to work through tough things. I’ve seen how much it’s helped others."


If you have been to therapy, consider sharing your experience in a way that is open and relatable.


🤝 3. Offer to Go With Them (at First)


Suggest couples therapy or even offer to attend their first session with them. Knowing they are not alone can ease their anxiety about starting.


This does not mean you need to become their therapist—it just means you are willing to walk beside them as they take a vulnerable step.


⏳ 4. Be Patient and Consistent


It may take several conversations before your partner feels ready. Avoid ultimatums or guilt trips. Keep the door open without pressuring them.


Remind them you are there to support them no matter what.


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What Not to Say When Encouraging Therapy


  • "You need help." (Sounds accusatory)

  • "What is wrong with you?" (Shaming)

  • "Just get over it." (Invalidating)


Instead, stick with:


  • "I care about you."

  • "I want to help, and I think therapy could really make things easier."

  • "You deserve support, too."


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When to Get Help for Yourself


If your partner’s mental health is significantly affecting your own well-being, it may be time to seek therapy yourself. Talking to a mental health professional can help you process the stress and explore healthy boundaries. It may also give you insight into how to better support your partner without burning out.


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Final Thoughts: Gentle Encouragement Can Open the Door


Getting your partner into therapy is not about fixing them—it is about lovingly offering a pathway to healing. When you approach the topic with compassion, patience, and understanding, you help remove some of the fear and shame that can keep people stuck.


Even small shifts—like normalizing therapy or offering to go together—can be powerful.



📚 Helpful Resources



 
 
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